Note: I am writing this article from my perspective of the holiday season, which is very Christmas-centric. Having said that, I believe that at least some of these hints can be applied to other holiday celebrations. The holidays are promoted, to an almost obnoxious level, as being a time of great joy and merriment. Families come around, delicious food is eaten, presents are … [Read more...]
Letting Go of the Fantasy: 7 Ways to Heal Toxic Family Relationships
Family dynamics can be tricky. We know, after all, that no family is perfect. Familial relationships can be some of the best support systems, but they can also be difficult and harmful if you're dealing with toxic family members. When you've committed to living a life of radical self-love, having strategies for how to respond to and even heal your toxic family relationships is … [Read more...]
It’s Okay To Forgive, or Not: Grieving When You’re Estranged From Your Family
Not long ago, I sat with a sweet little old man who was dying. (This is a regular occurrence for me; I’m a rabbi who works in hospice.) The man’s one dying wish was simple: to speak to his teenage granddaughter on the phone in Australia before he died. His selfish daughter was too “bitter” about the past to allow this to happen, he said. His request seemed so reasonable, his … [Read more...]
6 Tips for Easing Your Anxiety This Holiday Season
The holidays are full of joy and cheer -- unless they’re not. For people with anxiety and depression, the holidays can be pretty miserable, leaving them looking for some kind of relief. If you’re the type to suffer from the holiday blues, there are ways to get through the season without a great deal of suffering. Here are six tips I've found help me cope. 1. Lower your … [Read more...]
9 Keys for Dealing With Gender Dysphoria This Trans Awareness Week
I’ve always had a hard time with gender dysphoria. Identifying it has been half the struggle. For most of my life it was unnameable, and unqualifiably sad -- a deep ache in the pit of my belly that I had learned to ignore. When it reared its head I saw it as dysfunctional, and my self-image was tainted by that view. My dysphoria was difficult to identify because I am … [Read more...]
14 Truths I Learned for Surviving My Suicidality
Content note: This article discusses suicide and suicidal ideation in-depth. On August 5th of last year, I tried to kill myself. The police were called. I was restrained, patted down, taken to the hospital, and held on a 5150. I was there for two days before they left me go. The term “5150” is the California legal code for “involuntary psychiatric hold.” It is used by law … [Read more...]
4 Tools I Use To Replace Self-Harm with Radical Self-Love
Content note: This article contains in-depth descriptions of self-harm and discussions of physical, sexual, and emotional abuse. The first time I saw the film American Beauty, one scene stood out to me. Annette Bening stood in the living room of a home she was trying to sell. She assertively closed the vertical blinds, turned around, and started to cry. She then slapped her … [Read more...]
Listen to Our Foremothers: Why Black Women Deserve To Balance Our Rage With Our Joy
It is a sad time for Black women in this country. I would love to say that this time is unique and unlike that which our foremothers faced after being stolen and brought to this country, holding onto their souls and the shreds of their dignity they were determined never to give up. But we know this is not true. Today, as we carry our rage and sadness, feeling an … [Read more...]
Notes From a Psychiatric Survivor: How Do We Heal When Systems Have (Re)Traumatized Us?
Editor's Note: This article represents the perspective of an individual who identifies as a psychiatric survivor and whose experiences with the mental health field have many times been traumatizing. It is not meant to dismiss the valuable aspects of psychiatry, psychopharmacology, or therapy, or to suggest that others don't benefit from these (often life-saving) resources. I … [Read more...]
Waiting Tables Ain’t Easy: Why Service Workers’ Treatment Is Unacceptable
“Hi, how’s it going?” “I want the soup. Wait, what is polenta?” “Well -- ” “Is that that corn based thing?” “So, it’s -- ” “No I don’t think I’d like that. Give me the soup.” This is the conversation I have been having for eight years. Eight years of people speaking at me as if I don’t exist except to service their needs. On days when it is particularly bad, I joke with … [Read more...]
12 maneras de saber si tu cansancio se debe al trabajo emocional y cómo construir limites saludables
Se ha escrito mucho respecto al trabajo emocional en los últimos años. Particularmente, son las mujeres quienes han escrito sobre el trabajo emocional que deben soportar en este mundo en sus distintas variantes, específicamente con relación a varones cis y a sus propias familias. Como mujer trans con el privilegio de tener piel clara, he tenido mi cuota de trabajo emocional. … [Read more...]
How Being “Selfless” Taught Me Unhealthy Codependency
It was clear from when was a very young child -- and my mother might argue earlier -- that I was a deeply sensitive, emotionally intelligent being. My ma has told me about each of her children after childbirth: “With each of you, I looked at both of you and saw these big, soulful eyes that seemed so old and wise.” This natural-born tenderness was nurtured and tended to … [Read more...]
6 Ways to Love Yourself When You’re Undocumented in the US
From one immigrant to another, I know many people will say you could've done "it" differently. We are judged, demonized, and under constant attack. The broken US immigration system, meanwhile, tries to intimidate us into believing we have no choices left, that we must accept whatever fate a judge decides for us. But remember that your migration to this country meant choosing … [Read more...]
Surviving Is Enough: 8 Reminders to Not Be So Hard On Ourselves
I'm willing to bet that you're reading this in the middle of a million other tasks you feel you need to do in order to feel “normal.” Or maybe you're reading this in an attempt to get yourself out of a rut or improve your state of mind while feeling depressed. Either way, I'm here to help! A lot of times, we (meaning you, me, and everyone we know) feel like if we aren’t doing … [Read more...]
