Self-love is crucial for surviving and thriving in an oppressive society hellbent on making us feel like we’re wrong or not enough. But precisely because of this society, cultivating self-love can be difficult. As someone who has struggled with depression and anxiety, I know how much energy it can take just to get through the day. When you’re stuck treading water, self-love can … [Read more...]
9 Keys for Dealing With Gender Dysphoria This Trans Awareness Week
I’ve always had a hard time with gender dysphoria. Identifying it has been half the struggle. For most of my life it was unnameable, and unqualifiably sad -- a deep ache in the pit of my belly that I had learned to ignore. When it reared its head I saw it as dysfunctional, and my self-image was tainted by that view. My dysphoria was difficult to identify because I am … [Read more...]
How I Convinced Myself I Didn’t Have an Eating Disorder — And Returned to Myself Through Fierce Black Self-Love
Content note: This article discusses eating disorders (including bulimia and anorexia), weight loss, and "thinspiration". It began with a love of tattoos: the permanence of art on an impermanent body, the buzz of the machine, the stinging and the bleeding and the healing. And by “it,” I mean how I taught myself to call my eating disorder “inspiration” -- and thus … [Read more...]
Learning To Wear Red Lipstick: The Empowerment of Self-Presentation
A couple of years ago, I complimented a classmate on her outfit as we were waiting for the professor to arrive. “I love that lipstick color on you,” I said. “Thanks!” she replied. “It was just a red lipstick kind of day, you know?” “Well, I don’t really wear red lipstick, but it looks so gorgeous on you,” I said. “Why don’t you?” she asked. “I bet you’d look amazing with it … [Read more...]
Reclaiming My Eroticism After Sexual Assault
Content note: This article discusses sexual violence at length. After my rape, I thought of my body as a series of open wounds and wounded openings sutured together. I had to learn how to rewrite the poems, the stories, the words I wrapped around my flesh. After certain types of trauma, sometimes the only way we can see our bodies is as spaces for harm, spaces for … [Read more...]
3 Ways You Might Change After a Difficult Thing Has Happened (And Why That’s Okay)
One day I called my best friend from high school and asked him, “Can you tell me who I was?" "Remind me how you remember me, please," I begged. "I can’t remember who I was, who I really am, who I’m supposed to be.” I experienced a trauma. It changed me in ways that made me unrecognizable to myself. I struggled with these changes, resented them, and ended up resenting … [Read more...]
How Being “Selfless” Taught Me Unhealthy Codependency
It was clear from when was a very young child -- and my mother might argue earlier -- that I was a deeply sensitive, emotionally intelligent being. My ma has told me about each of her children after childbirth: “With each of you, I looked at both of you and saw these big, soulful eyes that seemed so old and wise.” This natural-born tenderness was nurtured and tended to … [Read more...]
8 Lessons for Men To Heal Rough Relationships With Their Bodies
Content note: This article contains references to dieting and struggles with food. Men in our society -- contrary to what the ideology of toxic masculinity would have us believe -- are extremely susceptible to the weight loss, dieting, and exercise culture we're subjected to every day. That includes, but is definitely not limited to, the near incessant advertising for workout … [Read more...]
How To Unwrap Yourself From a Toxic Relationship When the Person Is Gone — But Not the Pain
It has been almost two years since I ended my last long-term relationship. It seems so strange that we have now been apart longer than we were together. When it began, I thought I had finally found my person. I soon experienced anxiety and doubt after many red flags started to surface. I had longed to love and share my life with someone and I settled for a toxic relationship … [Read more...]
Surviving Is Enough: 8 Reminders to Not Be So Hard On Ourselves
I'm willing to bet that you're reading this in the middle of a million other tasks you feel you need to do in order to feel “normal.” Or maybe you're reading this in an attempt to get yourself out of a rut or improve your state of mind while feeling depressed. Either way, I'm here to help! A lot of times, we (meaning you, me, and everyone we know) feel like if we aren’t doing … [Read more...]
5 Things I Did After Turning 40 That Changed How I Saw My Aging Self
At thirty-eight I experienced a bit of a midlife crisis. Well, hardly midlife, but still a crisis nonetheless. Forty loomed on the horizon, and I felt a kind of aimless terror at that number. Some of it was kind of silly. What did a mature woman wear? Would I be forced by some secret fashion police to give up my band and anime t-shirts? Would I have to turn in my Chucks and … [Read more...]
You’re Worth Loving: My Letter for Those Still in the Closet
Dear you, This letter is for you. Your In The Closet But Still Worth Loving quiet, powerful, gentle celebration. Let me tell you a story. In middle school, I was the opposite of cool. I wore colorful striped leggings. My hair was always frizzy and in a ponytail with one strand hanging down, because I thought that was neat. There was a gap between my front teeth. I didn’t hate … [Read more...]
6 Ways To Talk About STIs (Without Being a Jerk)
Whenever the topic of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) comes up, I secretly get excited and panicked at the same time. I get excited because, as a person with herpes, and specifically as a writer with herpes, I spend a lot of time considering the complexities of what it means to live in a shared body with a virus, particularly one on which society has imposed a code of … [Read more...]
Intergenerational Trauma: Indigenous Resilience in the Face of Abuse
This article was originally published on Residential School Magazine under its original title "Let Me Tell You About Inter-Generational Trauma" and is republished with permission. **Content note: this article contains discussions of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse and violence as well as suicide.** My grandmother was placed in residential school at the age of 6. For … [Read more...]
Exercise Isn’t Just About Weight Loss: 10 Tips To Navigate Radical Self-Love and Exercise Culture
Exercise can be a valuable tool for self love. Through exercise, we can learn about our bodies, we can become stronger and more agile, and we can enjoy myriad physical and mental health benefits. Unfortunately, for many of us, exercise feels more like a tool for self hate than for self love, and I blame this on how strongly exercise is associated with weight loss. I spent most … [Read more...]
6 Formas de quererte cuando sos indocumentado en los EE. UU.
1 Recordá que tu existencia es valida Cuando sos constantemente objeto de leyes, enmiendas y especulación mediática, es fácil olvidarse que sos más que un número. Tu existencia es válida, sin importar cómo cruzaste la frontera, de donde sos o donde estas hoy. Los seres humanos no pueden ser “ilegales”, especialmente en un país cuyas leyes se construyeron sobre la esclavitud … [Read more...]

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