When I was about seven, I remember going to a revival service with my grandmother. The preacher at one point launched into a sermon on women and makeup. He said, “Makeup isn’t bad, but remember, ladies: you paint the barn, not decorate it.” Those words haunted me throughout much of my life. Even now I can remember them and the way everyone laughed. But it underlined the … [Read more...]
3 Black Feminists Who Lived Radical Self-Love
I am a writer, and as such I am also a lover of words. The way some people might admire a pair of shoes, a car, or a work of art, I appreciate the masterful manipulation of language — especially when the message is both beautiful and intelligent. I regularly find inspiration between two quotation marks. My literary heroes are those who can use words like paint on a … [Read more...]
Black Women Save America, but Who Rallies for Black Women? Why It’s Radical To Reclaim Self-Love in a Country Trying To Kill You
In the aftermath of the Alabama Senate election at the head of 2018, Black women have had to remind folks that our primary objective is not in ‘saving the country from itself.” Saving ourselves from this country is also high on our list of priorities and has been so for a very long time. Superficial social media praise juxtaposed against the harsh realities that Black women … [Read more...]
We All F*ck Up: The Importance of Loving Yourself Even When You Disappoint Yourself
Look, the act of self love ain’t never been no easy thing — especially when you’re experiencing copious amounts of scarcity, shame, disenfranchisement, or loss. Otherwise, there wouldn’t be a 10 billion dollar skin-lightening industry in countries where the world’s darkest people reside. Forty-two percent of voting women wouldn’t have voted for Donald Trump … [Read more...]
I Don’t Owe You Beauty: On Rooting Out Internalized Oppression and Celebrating Our Radically Non-Conforming Selves
“It’s not my responsibility to be beautiful. I’m not alive for that purpose. My existence is not about how desirable you find me.” ~Warsan Shire As an aspiring poet, the words of Warsan Shire hold a special sway over me. It’s not only her eloquence that draws me to her writing, but also the depth of her wisdom. I’ve always felt that it’s not enough … [Read more...]
5 Ways to Practice Self-Care and Why It’s Necessary
As we roll ever closer to the U.S. presidential election, along with waking up to more news of police violence against people of color, self-care is likely going to be high on all of our to-do lists. For many, like me, self-care also becomes a necessity as the days start to get darker. I’m a big believer that the ways we care for ourselves are as varied and individual as we … [Read more...]
“Be Sweet With Yourself”: You Are Allowed To Be Both a Masterpiece and a Mess
Trigger Warning: attempted suicide, cutting, stitches, detailed graphic writing on scars. “Be sweet with yourself.” That’s what my friend Joy told me when we parted one month ago. She was leaving for a new life in Tennessee. I was just out of the hospital. It was a pretty remarkable thing to say. Sweet with myself is exactly what I’m not. I’m harsh and critical … [Read more...]
Slow Down for a Moment: 10 Self-Care Acts That Take 5 Minutes or Less
What comes to mind when you think of self care? Do you picture luxurious bubble baths with champagne and a good book? Do you think of face masks? Of therapeutic yoga sessions? Of afternoons spent watching movies with friends, or running around with your kids in the park? Of glorious moments where your worries and responsibilities cease to be of importance? Or do you think … [Read more...]
10 Ways To Know When Love Isn’t Love: “Stay Away From People Who Make You Feel Like You’re Hard to Love”
I was raised, taught, and socialized to believe that love is pain. That love is unfair. Raised a woman, I was taught, socialized -- brainwashed -- to believe that love means sacrifice. That as a woman I must martyr myself. That as a woman my value comes from martyring myself to the highest bidder, even if he endeavors to own me, even if he never tries to see past my … [Read more...]
Why I Don’t Wear Makeup
At an early age, I learned to associate cosmetics with performance — pretending, dancing, or acting. As an aspiring ballerina at Miss Janet’s Dance Studio, I wore makeup for the annual recital. My mother, who never wore makeup, would spread shadow on my eyelids and apply lipstick to my lips and cheeks. I saw cosmetics as being another part of my costume. The makeup was for my … [Read more...]
Every Body Is a Beach Body: 5 Ways To Rock Your Body (No Matter Its Size or Shape) This Summer
Every year, usually around April or May, I will be on a train, idly looking at the billboards displayed along passing stations, when I will come across the first piece of “beach body”-related advertising of the season. “Get Beach Body Ready!” the ad boasts, displaying a photo of a pretty, young, white, usually female person, with thick, wavy hair, lightly tanned skin, and a … [Read more...]
Fat Girl on a Bar: How Trapeze Changed My Relationship With Exercise
For two years, I watched my girls do trapeze. I watched with longing because inside me that little girl who used to swing on tree branches and monkey bars wanted to fly again. I remembered being unafraid of anything including my body. But the woman who watched her daughters dance in the air was afraid: afraid of failure, afraid of her body, afraid of moving with others. So I … [Read more...]
Sometimes “Doing the Work” Takes Work: Reclaiming My Self-Care Beyond Baths and Wine
In my last year of college, I wanted to be the perfect student activist. I spent an inordinate amount of time building my laundry list of accomplishments: a part-time job, perfect grades, hard classes, big fundraisers, impressive campus events, and a résumé to neatly tie it all together in a template that took me two hours to choose. Because I was so busy, I made sure I was … [Read more...]
‘Doing Your Best’ is Not About Pushing Yourself Beyond Your Limits
Earlier this year, I began to exercise more regularly. It started when my mother suggested that I do a couple of low-intensity sessions on the treadmill every week. I’d had major surgery a few months prior, and Mum thought the gentle exercise would help with my recovery. I agreed to give it a try, but I told Mum that these would be LOW-intensity sessions, and that I would be … [Read more...]
It’s Okay If The Only Thing You Did Today Was Breathe
At the beginning of my depressive episode, I had this distinct memory right of surrender. Of feeling this tug that drew me down into my bed and of feeling this mental shift of, disaster, defeat and general disappointment. A sort of hopelessness slipped in. An illusion of control broke down and any confidence I felt in my ability to control my body, my mind and the ways of which … [Read more...]
A 1-On-1 With BLM: Is Black Lives Matter a Radical Self love Movement?
By: Jaime Grant Jaime M. Grant, a white lesbian organizer who grew up in Boston in the 60s, interviews Daunasia Yancey a Black queer, femme leader of Black Lives Matter Boston as their conversion reveals the unapologetic work we all strive to do within ourselves and our community. Jaime: One of the things that’s striking about BLM is the emphasis on love and the body and … [Read more...]
The Body Is Not an Apology
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