Content note: This article contains discussions of rape and physical, childhood, and sexual abuse. In 2016, on a radical feminist Facebook page for survivors of abuse, someone posted the question, “Do you identity as a victim or survivor?” As the thread progressed over the following weeks, people provided very heartfelt and nuanced responses. The discussion came up at a time … [Read more...]
Reclaiming My Eroticism After Sexual Assault
Content note: This article discusses sexual violence at length. After my rape, I thought of my body as a series of open wounds and wounded openings sutured together. I had to learn how to rewrite the poems, the stories, the words I wrapped around my flesh. After certain types of trauma, sometimes the only way we can see our bodies is as spaces for harm, spaces for … [Read more...]
Not Your “Geisha Doll”: Why We Need to Stop Skirting Around Racist Sexual Violence
Content note: This article discusses acts of sexual violence. The fact that sexual violence is often experienced alongside racism for many people of color is almost always glossed over in discussions about sexual assault and rape. When it's mentioned at all, it's mentioned quickly, and everyone nods their head in agreement. During these conversations, most white people … [Read more...]
6 Ways To Support a Friend After a Sexual Assault
From the stories unearthed by the #MeToo movement started by Tarana Burke, to #TimesUp, to sexual harassment and assault scandals surrounding such high-profile figures as Brett Kavanaugh, Donald Trump, and Jeffrey Epstein, it’s important to consider the effects these highly publicized incidents may have on those of us who have experienced sexual assault, abuse, or harassment in … [Read more...]
3 Reasons We Need to Be Critical of Compulsory Sex Positivity in Queer Spaces
Sex positivity often acts as an implicit — or sometimes explicit — foundation of leftist, feminist, and LGBTQ+ spaces for completely valid reasons. As women and queers, sex has been the driving force behind both our oppression and the spaces we create to separate, heal, and liberate us from our oppression. Sexualized spaces for socializing predate our modern understanding of … [Read more...]
9 Ways to Be Accountable When You’ve Been Abusive
This article originally appeared in EverydayFeminism.com and is reprinted by permission. As I sit in my bed and begin to type (beds are my favorite typing places), there is a part of me that says, Don’t write this article. There is a part of me that still resonates deeply with the fear and shame that surround the topics of abuse and intimate partner violence – the taboo that … [Read more...]
3 Reasons You Wouldn’t Believe My Ex Abused Me – And Why They All Mean You Should
This article was originally published on EverydayFeminism.com and is republished with permission. (Content Note: This article references partner abuse, include rape.) Here’s the truth: My ex-boyfriend abused me. He treated me worse than anyone outside of our relationship will ever know. Some of you might believe me if I told you. But I’ve heard over and over again the common … [Read more...]
Trauma, Body Memories, and How to Heal Them
Your body, believe it or not, remembers everything. Sounds, smells, touches, tastes. But the memory is not held in your mind, locked somewhere in the recesses of your brain. Instead, it’s held in your body, all the way down at the cellular level. Ever notice how, on a stage full of professional dancers, everyone still moves in their own way? That’s because our cells store … [Read more...]
“You Are Not Alone:” Uncovering the Dark Secret of Black Women and Sexual Abuse
Rape was not explained to me. No one sat me down and told me what it was. When I was a young girl, I heard a news story about a rape in Central Park—the park my school took us to for physical education and recess, so I paid attention. The victim’s face was slashed during the attack—cut with a broken bottle, I think. So for the longest time, I used to think that being raped … [Read more...]
“You Deserve to Heal:” 4 Steps to Move Through Survivor’s Guilt
CN: sexual violence, abuse In many methods of healing from trauma, confronting shame is often central to the process. Free up shame, get out from under the blame placed on survivors, and healing is supposed to get easier. Yet when survivor’s guilt goes unaddressed, it’s easy to fall into the pattern of prioritizing other people’s needs over individual needs. Survivors … [Read more...]
#MeToo: A Letter to The Women Who Exclude Trans & Non-binary People from “Safe Spaces”
A letter to those who exclude nonbinary trans folk from your safe spaces: I started living my truth as transgender and nonbinary almost a year ago. I’ve been out as queer for many years. And I’ve been in this feminine body my entire life. It’s been a complicated journey, especially for someone who grew up in the South wearing GRITS merch. Having gone through the whole … [Read more...]
On Victim Blaming: When Rape Culture Exists Amongst America’s Heroes
It's an easy thing to say: just tell the truth. Tell it immediately, without bias, lacking emotionality, to everyone. Easy, right? Even in our daily interactions, we do not always tell the truth. Often in fear of hurting others, being hurt, getting fired, being told your truth was never worth sharing. However, when it comes to people in the public eye, it has become … [Read more...]
Beyond #MeToo: BURN IT DOWN
Me too. Many of us have typed these words this week, many of us couldn’t bring ourselves to – or not publicly, anyway. As part of a sexual assault awareness campaign started by Tarana Burke, survivors of sexual violence wrote these two simple words on social media feeds. It helped survivors know that they were not alone, and it also served as a tool to show men how prevalent … [Read more...]
Making My Way Back: Recovering Pieces of Myself After Sexual Assault and Divorce
I met Gregory for the first time on October 4, 2003. Our first date—arranged via Match.com as an early-afternoon coffee at a downtown cafe—ended 9½ hours later, when waitstaff at the nearby Thai restaurant we had relocated to, The Happy Smile, finally shooed us out the door. Although he and I did not get married until the following December, we decided to use Oct 4, 2003 as … [Read more...]
The Body Is Not an Apology
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