I met Gregory for the first time on October 4, 2003. Our first date—arranged via Match.com as an early-afternoon coffee at a downtown cafe—ended 9½ hours later, when waitstaff at the nearby Thai restaurant we had relocated to, The Happy Smile, finally shooed us out the door. Although he and I did not get married until the following December, we decided to use Oct 4, 2003 as … [Read more...]
#MeToo: Will My Son Grow up to be a Rapist?
After the flurry of #MeToo’s had died down in my social media feed, it was not fears for my daughter which kept me awake that night. Not because I know she won't be violated at some point in her life. She will, unless she's exceedingly lucky, because living in our abusive culture means it is practically inevitable. My job is to love and educate her as hard as I can, which also … [Read more...]
Of Monsters and Mirrors: Weinstein, Me, Franken, and You
Do I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself, (I am large, I contain multitudes.) --Walt Whitman I’d like for us to start in the middle, with Harvey, because he is in a unique position. I believe he might be the one predator most of us agree is guilty, no matter our politics, because of a few factors. First, apart from his surname, Harvey … [Read more...]
Black Women’s Safety: Why Accountability Is ProBlack
I am my father’s first daughter. For a large part of my first 16 years on this earth, my father raised me by himself. Oftentimes this meant my daddy had to do for me many of the things mamas are resigned to doing because they are the female parent and, therefore, usually expected to know what’s best for the wellbeing of a little black girl. This meant if someone was going … [Read more...]
Handsome Monsters, Nice-guy Rapists, and Success: A Response to Brock Turner
This article was originally published by The Big and Little World: Awe, Outrage and Hope and is republished with permission. Brock Turner got out “for good behavior” today. Throw him a fish for having honked a horn. Scratch his ears for not pooping on the floor. Reward him for the basic behavior that is incentivized though he failed at the most human thing: kindness when there … [Read more...]
Why As a Man, I Need Feminism
Originally published on aymankuzbari.blogspot on November 2012, published with permission. "I am a feminist." This statement has caused several kinds of reactions when coming from me, a male. Ranging from an inquisitive if not suspicious "why?" to sweet praise borne not out of understanding, but rather out of amazement if not amusement. And yet the one reaction I've … [Read more...]
When Yes Doesn’t Mean Yes: David Bowie, Consent and Accountability
This article originally appeared on the blog, Kylvia Wrath, written by Stephanie Lane Sutton, and is reprinted with permission. After reading Lori Mattix’s account of her relationships with David Bowie, Jimmy Page, and Mick Jagger, there is no doubt in my mind that she and her female peers were abused and exploited by these singer/songwriters, who have been idolized for … [Read more...]
When My Body Wasn’t Mine: Reclaiming Radical Love After Sexual Trauma
As I opened my eyes, the whole room was in a blur and my head was pounding. The brightness of the sunlight streaming into my bedroom window made it even harder for my eyes to focus and intensified my headache. After a few seconds of blinking, I was able to find my phone and check the time. 10:30 AM. I was supposed to have been at a work meeting at 9:00 AM, followed by a six … [Read more...]
Healing From Sexual Abuse Must Be Both Individual and Communal
Content note: This article discusses childhood sexual abuse. As a child and young adult I experienced covert sexual abuse, a phrase coined by Ken Adams and described by Bob Weiss as “more subtle... indirect, sexualized use/abuse of a child.” According to Weiss, this type of sexual abuse “involves indirect (not hands on) sexuality — sexuality that is implied or suggested rather … [Read more...]
The Body Is Not an Apology
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