I was a pretty typical teenager when it came to sex. I wanted it and wanted to know more about it. When the classes I took in school failed to tell me how sex happens for folks with disabilities, I turned to the resource kids in the '90s turned to for everything: Google. The results were terrifying. Most sites told me that good sex probably wasn’t possible and others were … [Read more...]
Why We Need to Stop Shaming Teen Parents
In recent years, teen pregnancy in the US has been at an all -time low. From 2012 to 2013, teen birth rates decreased among 15–19 year olds by 9% for non-Hispanic whites and 11% for non-Hispanic blacks. If there are fewer teenage pregnancies, why is it that so many people still make it such a shameful thing to be pregnant as a teenager? I’ve heard people say that teenagers back … [Read more...]
Por favor, no sexualices a mi hija: Aprendiendo el equilibrio entre libertad y ser “buenos” padres
Cuando mi hija, P, empezó a ir a una pequeña “unschool” (*no existe este término en español, adjunto link para saber más de este movimiento), no solo descubrió una educación alegre, sino también la alegría de un pelo pintado. Los unschoolers creen que los niños aprenden mejor cuando escogen lo que aprenden y cómo aprenden dichas lecciones. No fue una sorpresa encontrar niños a … [Read more...]
Let’s Stop Acting as if Queers Need to Look a Certain Way to be Queer
In my city, there’s a monthly queer-women-and-company dance event called Flannel Takeover. It’s supposed to be a tongue-in-cheek reference to the visuals of being a queer woman: someone who wears lots of flannel. Line up, ladies and trans gents and non-binary folks! Grab a beer, don your snapback, aaand let’s perpetuate the lazy stereotype that queer woman equals masculine. A … [Read more...]
Becoming My Own Best Friend: Finding Self-Love and Healing Through Celibacy
The first time I decided to stop having sex was the summer of 2013. I was 22 and had just begun working through recent body-related traumas with my new therapist. I knew I had been engaging in reckless sexual behavior for over a year, and this was the first time I had really called myself out on it. I had let myself believe I was simply engaging in sex positivity, bodily … [Read more...]
Cuidarse a uno mismo y el trabajo social
Si le preguntases a mi madre o a mi novia cuándo hice algo equivocado, te dirán algo como, “Bueno, conociendo a Quita, ella nunca hace nada equivocado”. Pero incluso la Princesa de la Perfección tiene que admitir cuándo se equivoca. Mi viaje de cuidarme a mi misma está en un proceso en el que estoy haciendo más cosas mal de las que no. Como alguien que se ocupa en el trabajo … [Read more...]
Undoing the Pressure to “Find Love” as an Asexual Person
I wish it were more acceptable in this world for people to live life without romantic love—without having it, without wanting it, and without waiting around for it. What tires me most about our cultural orientation on romantic love is the idea that, even if we don’t have it or want it now, romantic love is ultimately going to make its way into our lives at some point in the … [Read more...]
Masculinity Doesn’t Belong to Any Gender and Other Reasons Why Policing Sexuality Does Not Work
Originally published on Everyday Feminism and republished here with their permission. Maybe you’ve heard it, been asked it, or wondered about it yourself: Why do queer women and lesbians date masculine-presenting women instead of just dating a cisgender dude? Well, let’s break it down and answer the question. But most importantly, let’s examine why this is such a … [Read more...]
Black Women’s Sexuality: Let’s Stop Trying to Reclaim the Past
[Trigger warning: This article mentions sexual abuse, verbal sexual harassment, attempted sexual assault, and threats of sexual assault.] I find most discussions about black female sexuality strange. On the one hand, there seems to be little discussion of male sexuality. Men are not called upon to feel empowered by “embracing” their sexuality. On the other hand, so much of … [Read more...]
Recognizing When We Get It Wrong and Forgiving Ourselves Afterward
If you are reading this article on a site like The Body is Not An Apology, I cannot conclude anything about you with any certainty — beyond the fact that, in this moment, you have the ability to access my work. I don’t pretend to know you personally or to speak with confidence about your background or, indeed, regarding anything else about you. A major tenet of the radical … [Read more...]
Trans People, Trauma, and Dissociative Identities
Many, if not most, of the trans people I’ve known have been coping with at least one form of trauma. We take a lot of abuse from society, often at an early age. I am transgender. I do not currently identify as the sex I was assigned at birth (female). I have also taken physical steps to alter my body and live my life perceived by others as male. However, my gender identity … [Read more...]
Dating While Trans: From Victim to Partner
[Content warning: Sexually explicit language] I’ve written quite extensively about my experience of dating cis people while trans — specifically, while being a female-assigned-at-birth boy, with a vulva, who is sexually and romantically attracted to men. I’ve tried on and tolerated several labels for who I am: gay trans man, trans fag, and during my more desperate, crude … [Read more...]
On Dudes, Menstruation, and Getting Over It
My sister once told me a story of a substitute teacher she had, a sweet woman with kind eyes and an adorable bob. She arrived at school wearing a black dress dappled with bright, white flower designs. This teacher walked up and down the aisles as my sister’s classmates worked on math problems. She leaned over my sister’s desk to answer a question, and the boy behind her audibly … [Read more...]
7 Things You Learn Raising in Kids an Open Relationship
'Have you thought about how a polyamorous relationships works with kids?' my colleague asked as I suppressed a smile. I've written a book about it, I was tempted to say. Do they sense any instability? I've spent hours at a time analysing their actions and reactions. Are they at more risk from bullying due to the unconventional nature of their parents' relationship? We've … [Read more...]
