Fantasy or Disrespect?: 7 Halloween Costume Pitfalls to Avoid October 1, 2019 by Maya Gittelman Leave a Comment Halloween is eagerly anticipated by many. It's an opportunity to eat candy, dress up, and revel in nerdy pastimes or scary movies. Yet all too often, enjoying Halloween is a privilege experienced by people who don't have their identity infringed on by well-meaning, ignorant, or outright hateful celebrants. This is not only a problem with individuals, but with industry; with … [Read more...]
Los 4 modos in los que la no-monogamia me ha ayudado ha sentirme mas segura y comoda en las relaciones romanticas September 29, 2019 by Aiko Fukuchi and Ana Maroto Leave a Comment No ser monógama me ha resuelto mis necesidad de sentirme más segura y cómoda en las relaciones románticas. Esto sorprende a mucha gente, cuando lo comparto, sobre todo, porque desde mi experiencia, mucha gente con la que he hablado la considera que ese comportamiento es una fuente de ansiedad, inseguridad, poca comunicación y falta de compromiso. Es una opinión común pensar … [Read more...]
What I Learned From Never Experiencing “Romantic” Love September 25, 2019 by Lin Kaatz Chary Leave a Comment When I was very young, I had the same dreams and expectations that many girls of my 1950s generation in my social class had: that I would start dating in high school, go to college and eventually meet “the love of my life,” fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after. It never occurred to me that I wouldn’t have what I always thought of as romantic love in my life, … [Read more...]
7 Things I Teach My Kids About Consent, Sexual Harassment, and Assault September 24, 2019 by Louisa Leontiades Leave a Comment During a crowded bus journey, my daughter's shrill four-year-old voice piped up clearly and succinctly above the hum of the ongoing conversation: "I want to have sex with [insert classmate here]." A silence, not unlike the one pervading the moment before the conductor raises his baton, fell in anticipation of my reply. And on behalf of all the sex-positive parents, I swallowed … [Read more...]
Not Your “Geisha Doll”: Why We Need To Stop Skirting Around Racist Sexual Violence September 21, 2019 by Aiko Fukuchi Leave a Comment Content note: This article discusses acts of sexual violence. The fact that sexual violence is often experienced alongside racism for many people of color is almost always glossed over in discussions about sexual assault and rape. When it's mentioned at all, it's mentioned quickly, and everyone nods their head in agreement. During these conversations, most white people … [Read more...]
How I Came To Honor My “Too Black” Name as a Black, Queer, Fat Woman September 14, 2019 by Quita Tinsley Leave a Comment As a Black, queer, fat woman, I’m constantly aware of how I navigate most spaces. I’m constantly determining whether I can talk about my girlfriend. I’m constantly wondering whether I can eat what and how I want. And I’m constantly aware of how I’m speaking, from my tone to the words that I’m saying. Sometimes, these concerns come from a place of determining my safety. One … [Read more...]
Hot Sex After 50: 3 Myths and 3 Truths September 12, 2019 by Jaime Grant Leave a Comment As a longtime sex coach in my mid-50s, I find myself in a constant state of speaking truth to power when it comes to sex and aging. How is hot sex after 50 different from hot sex after 40? Or 20? How is it different from hot sex in the aftermath of divorce? Or during the hottest love affair of our lives? The point is: hot sex matters. It generates and releases energy. It … [Read more...]
Thwarted Belonging and Reasons for Hope: Queer Black Trans Pain Matters September 6, 2019 by Regina Leslie Leave a Comment Content note: This article includes (non-graphic) discussion of a completed suicide. One of my closest friends died by suicide. The days after their death were jarring and bewildering. I carefully tried to drink water, only to involuntarily spit it up while sobbing. I tried to eat, only able to eat soup and beans. (To my horror, the hot Funyuns a friend offered made me … [Read more...]
7 Maneras de Hablar Acerca de Las Enfermedades de Transmisión sexual (sin ser un capullo) September 1, 2019 by Sarit Luban, Guest Writer Leave a Comment Translated by Ana M. M. Cada vez que el tema de las enfermedades de transmisión sexual (STIs) sale a la luz, en secreto me emociono y me entra el pánico al mismo tiempo. Me emociono porque como persona con herpes, y específicamente como escritora con herpes, paso mucho tiempo considerando la complejidad de lo que significa vivir en un cuerpo compartido con un virus, … [Read more...]
7 Things Not To Say to a Child Wrestling With Their Sexuality August 23, 2019 by Ramona Rio Leave a Comment As a young person, I didn’t have any queer adult mentors to teach me about the positivity of exploring my sexual orientation, not to mention my gender identity. Most of what I learned about being LGBTIQ came from '90s mainstream media and my Gay Straight Alliance in high school. After high school, a couple of my friends eventually came out as gay. I listened and learned from … [Read more...]
How I as a White Woman Am Unlearning Dangerous Sexual Stereotypes About Black and Brown Men August 21, 2019 by Ginger Stickney Leave a Comment Content note: This article contains references to rape. When I pick my son up at the library, he is standing in front of a blonde girl. As I move closer, I hear them talking, laughing, flirting in that awkward early-teen way. I stop, catch my son’s eye, and give them their space. She clearly likes my son, and I can see him basking in the attention. I admit to some motherly … [Read more...]
Mixed-Race, Non-Binary, Queer Fat Femme: How I Fail and Succeed in Finding Liberation August 15, 2019 by Cicely Blain Leave a Comment I am a Black, mixed-race, fat, queer, non-binary person. Most saliently, I am femme. I have come to understand radical femmeness, femme magic, femme community, femme love, and femme power through my relationships with other womxn and femmes of color. While femme communities evoke safeness and security for me, they also often exist on the basis of trauma. Femininity leaves us … [Read more...]
Why I Started Intervening Early: Raising My Gay Son in a World of Toxic Masculinity August 14, 2019 by Ginger Stickney Leave a Comment Things I have heard about having a son: “You’re lucky your son is gay. You won’t have to worry about him getting someone pregnant or treating women poorly." “It’s good you have a son because he can watch over your daughters.” “Boys are easier than girls. You don’t have to worry so much about them.” “It’s too hard a world for girls. It’s better to have sons. At least you … [Read more...]
5 Dehumanizing Myths About Fat Men and Dating That We Can’t Excuse July 31, 2019 by Philippe Leonard Fradet Leave a Comment About a month ago, one of my sisters tagged me in a video she recorded of Family Feud, a game show where two families compete for a cash prize by trying to find the most popular answers to a variety of questions. On the episode she recorded, host and comedian Steve Harvey asks the contestants to answer a rather loaded statement: “Name a reason a woman might decide to be with a … [Read more...]
3 Ways My Parents Unintentionally Taught Me My Consent Didn’t Matter July 24, 2019 by Anonymous Leave a Comment I’m writing this piece anonymously because my mother frequently Googles me – types my name into a search bar to find all I’ve been up to splashed across her screen. I think she does this just so she can send my articles to her coworkers to show them how proud of me she is. I’m writing this anonymously because sometimes, in an article, I’ll reference something she said to me, … [Read more...]
4 Dating Tips for Mentally Ill, Disabled, and Neurodivergent People July 18, 2019 by West Anderson Leave a Comment Over the past three years, I’ve learned a lot about the ways in which my brain and body work. I’ve learned that the intense sadness and stress I dealt with in high school did, in fact, qualify as depression and anxiety, and that I could and should seek support for those things. I learned that the extreme physical and mental exhaustion I felt after completing a few days of … [Read more...]
