Originally published on Everyday Feminism and republished here with their permission. Maybe you’ve heard it, been asked it, or wondered about it yourself: Why do queer women and lesbians date masculine-presenting women instead of just dating a cisgender dude? Well, let’s break it down and answer the question. But most importantly, let’s examine why this is such a … [Read more...]
Black Women’s Sexuality: Let’s Stop Trying to Reclaim the Past
[Trigger warning: This article mentions sexual abuse, verbal sexual harassment, attempted sexual assault, and threats of sexual assault.] I find most discussions about black female sexuality strange. On the one hand, there seems to be little discussion of male sexuality. Men are not called upon to feel empowered by “embracing” their sexuality. On the other hand, so much of … [Read more...]
Recognizing When We Get It Wrong and Forgiving Ourselves Afterward
If you are reading this article on a site like The Body is Not An Apology, I cannot conclude anything about you with any certainty — beyond the fact that, in this moment, you have the ability to access my work. I don’t pretend to know you personally or to speak with confidence about your background or, indeed, regarding anything else about you. A major tenet of the radical … [Read more...]
Trans People, Trauma, and Dissociative Identities
Many, if not most, of the trans people I’ve known have been coping with at least one form of trauma. We take a lot of abuse from society, often at an early age. I am transgender. I do not currently identify as the sex I was assigned at birth (female). I have also taken physical steps to alter my body and live my life perceived by others as male. However, my gender identity … [Read more...]
Dating While Trans: From Victim to Partner
[Content warning: Sexually explicit language] I’ve written quite extensively about my experience of dating cis people while trans — specifically, while being a female-assigned-at-birth boy, with a vulva, who is sexually and romantically attracted to men. I’ve tried on and tolerated several labels for who I am: gay trans man, trans fag, and during my more desperate, crude … [Read more...]
On Dudes, Menstruation, and Getting Over It
My sister once told me a story of a substitute teacher she had, a sweet woman with kind eyes and an adorable bob. She arrived at school wearing a black dress dappled with bright, white flower designs. This teacher walked up and down the aisles as my sister’s classmates worked on math problems. She leaned over my sister’s desk to answer a question, and the boy behind her audibly … [Read more...]
7 Things You Learn Raising in Kids an Open Relationship
'Have you thought about how a polyamorous relationships works with kids?' my colleague asked as I suppressed a smile. I've written a book about it, I was tempted to say. Do they sense any instability? I've spent hours at a time analysing their actions and reactions. Are they at more risk from bullying due to the unconventional nature of their parents' relationship? We've … [Read more...]
This Cartoon Shows Us How Ridiculous Our Ideas About Consent Really Are
This article first appeared on Everyday Feminism and is reprinted by permission. Our friends at Everyday Feminism used this awesome cartoon to illustrate the core issues with how we treat sexual consent in our society. What if we treated all consent this way? This cartoon shows us how absurd it would be. Understanding sexual consent is an essential part of radical self … [Read more...]
Please Don’t Sexualize My Daughter: Learning the Balance of Freedom & “Good” Parenting
When my daughter, P, started to attended a small “unschool”, she discovered not only a joyous education but also the joy of colored hair. Unschoolers believe that children learn better when they pick what they learn and how to learn said subjects. It wasn’t surprising to find kids who like our kids picking also how they wished to present themselves to the world. The girls at … [Read more...]
7 Things You Can Be Proud of Doing by the Time You’re 35— Even If You Didn’t Save Twice Your Yearly Salary
It’s safe to say that the vast majority of us are definitely nowhere near able to save twice our yearly salary by age 35, despite the newest out-of-touch punchline from the financial sector. As an American in my early 30s who, like most of “our” generation if you’re also American, has a negative net worth thanks to graduating post-financial crash, trying to build a career … [Read more...]
10 Ways to Support Sex-Positive Kids
One of my key jobs as a parent is to raise kids who love themselves and their sexuality. My own childhood was filled with silences and horrible caveats about sex. My mother told me repeatedly that she would ‘snap my spine’ if I had sex outside of monogamous marriage. And that sex ‘was not all that it what was cracked up to be.’ (A lot of violent cracking … [Read more...]
I Was Taught to Be Proud of My Tight Asian “Kiki” – Here’s Why I Wish I Hadn’t Been
This article was originally published by EverydayFeminism.com and is republished with permission. (Content Note: eating disorders, rape, forced prostitution, minor attraction, violence against transgender women) I was in seventh grade when my friend Kat looked at my feet and said approvingly, “You know what my brother says. Small feet, small kiki [vagina].” Kat’s brother … [Read more...]
Simple But Not Easy: 25 Steps to Justice
Tired of asking, “What can I do?” or “How can I be helpful?” At times, you are asking how you can uplift marginalized voices. That is the most productive question; lead with that first. However, in most situations, the underlying request is “Tell me how to be a good person” or “Tell me how to not offend.” When people ask these questions, I typically begin a discussion — a … [Read more...]
Let’s F#ck It Up: 3 Things They Don’t Want You To Know About Taking A Revolutionary Selfie
“This is an experiment in not being afraid of seeing myself. Of not being afraid of seeing my body. And, more importantly for me, not being afraid of other people seeing these things. So, enjoy the photos. I'm not sure all of them will be flattering, but I hope to have more than 314 pictures by the end of this year.” These are the words that opened my first self-love photo … [Read more...]
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