This post is dedicated to all of the femmes! When I was a child, Easter was my favorite time of year. Every year, my mom always got me an Easter basket full of goodies. At church, we got to recite our Easter speeches in front of the whole congregation. And after the sermon, they would host an Easter egg hunt for the young folks. They even had a golden egg with money … [Read more...]
An Act of Knowing: Moving Towards a Black Femme Politic
When I was a child. What age, I can’t remember. But when I was a child tends to suffice for stories like this. When I was a child, I would play dress-up with my little sister. I’m the oldest of four. Theoretically, I should have been playing with my older, decidedly more butch cousin. Unfortunately – or fortunately, depending on who you ask – I was always just a tad bit too … [Read more...]
6 Points to Consider When Asking Why Queer Women Date Masculine Women “Instead of Just Dating a Guy”
Editor's note: This article was originally published on Everyday Feminism as "An Answer to 'Why Is She Dating a Masculine Woman Instead of Just Dating a Guy?" and is republished here with their permission. Maybe you’ve heard it, been asked it, or wondered about it yourself: why do queer women and lesbians date masculine-presenting women instead of just dating a cisgender … [Read more...]
Black Women’s Sexuality: Let’s Stop Trying to Reclaim the Past
[Trigger warning: This article mentions sexual abuse, verbal sexual harassment, attempted sexual assault, and threats of sexual assault.] I find most discussions about black female sexuality strange. On the one hand, there seems to be little discussion of male sexuality. Men are not called upon to feel empowered by “embracing” their sexuality. On the other hand, so much of … [Read more...]
I Don’t Owe You Beauty: On Rooting Out Internalized Oppression and Celebrating Our Radically Non-Conforming Selves
“It’s not my responsibility to be beautiful. I’m not alive for that purpose. My existence is not about how desirable you find me.” ~Warsan Shire As an aspiring poet, the words of Warsan Shire hold a special sway over me. It’s not only her eloquence that draws me to her writing, but also the depth of her wisdom. I’ve always felt that it’s not enough … [Read more...]
Recognizing When We Get It Wrong and Forgiving Ourselves Afterward
If you are reading this article on a site like The Body is Not An Apology, I cannot conclude anything about you with any certainty — beyond the fact that, in this moment, you have the ability to access my work. I don’t pretend to know you personally or to speak with confidence about your background or, indeed, regarding anything else about you. A major tenet of the radical … [Read more...]
4 Terrible Bisexuality Tropes on TV — And 4 Portrayals That Defy Them
LGBTQIA+ representation in television has been going up in recent years. According to GLAAD’s 2016-2017 Annual Report on LGBTQ Representation, we are seeing a higher percentage of LGBTQIA+ main or regular characters on broadcast TV than ever before. The report also mentions that there are record numbers of LGBTQIA+ characters of colour, LGBTQIA+ characters with disabilities, … [Read more...]
Trans People, Trauma, and Dissociative Identities
Many, if not most, of the trans people I’ve known have been coping with at least one form of trauma. We take a lot of abuse from society, often at an early age. I am transgender. I do not currently identify as the sex I was assigned at birth (female). I have also taken physical steps to alter my body and live my life perceived by others as male. However, my gender identity … [Read more...]
Dating While Trans: From Victim to Partner
[Content warning: Sexually explicit language] I’ve written quite extensively about my experience of dating cis people while trans — specifically, while being a female-assigned-at-birth boy, with a vulva, who is sexually and romantically attracted to men. I’ve tried on and tolerated several labels for who I am: gay trans man, trans fag, and during my more desperate, crude … [Read more...]
Dear Queer Black Activists: An Honest Letter About Desirability Politics Among Our Men
By: Araya Baker, Guest Writer, Co-edited by Darryl Antonio Johnson Dear Queer Black Activists, As of late, the desirability politics among a lot of same-gender-loving (SGL) and queer Black men in my social network, many of whom happen to contribute some of society’s most groundbreaking racial justice work, has felt inescapable, and as a result, my mental health has suffered. I … [Read more...]
5 Things People Get Wrong About Desire
Content note: This article includes (non-detailed) references to fantasizing about sexual violence The not-so-funny paradox about sex in our lives is that we are swamped by it but honest, intimate conversation about our desires is hard to come by. Sex sells it all, from toothpaste to car insurance. We are advice-d to death about it via endless columns in glossy magazines. … [Read more...]
On Dudes, Menstruation, and Getting Over It
My sister once told me a story of a substitute teacher she had, a sweet woman with kind eyes and an adorable bob. She arrived at school wearing a black dress dappled with bright, white flower designs. This teacher walked up and down the aisles as my sister’s classmates worked on math problems. She leaned over my sister’s desk to answer a question, and the boy behind her audibly … [Read more...]
7 Things You Learn Raising Kids in an Open Relationship
"Have you thought about how a polyamorous relationship works with kids?" my colleague asked as I suppressed a smile. I've written a book about it, I was tempted to say. Do they sense any instability? I've spent hours at a time analysing their actions and reactions. Are they at more risk from bullying due to the unconventional nature of their parents' relationship? We've … [Read more...]
The Good, the Bad, and the Weird of Being Queer and Muslim
Both of my parents converted to Islam in the early 1970s, so I was born and raised as an African-American Muslim in the US. When I was younger, my connection to Islam, spirituality, and Allah was tenuous at times. I wouldn’t understand faith and spirituality in a deep way until I left home for college. This is the way for many people who were raised in religious … [Read more...]
