This article was originally published on Rest for Resistance as "Labor, Chaotic Desire & Belonging: On Blackness, Femininity, and Queerness" and is republished with permission. This is for the queer fat Black femmes. As children, we learn that we never occupy just one, but all, of our identities. Not a fat girl or a Black girl, but a fat Black girl. In elementary school, … [Read more...]
7 Things You Can Be Proud of Doing by the Time You’re 35— Even If You Didn’t Save Twice Your Yearly Salary
It’s safe to say that the vast majority of us are definitely nowhere near able to save twice our yearly salary by age 35, despite the newest out-of-touch punchline from the financial sector. As an American in my early 30s who, like most of “our” generation if you’re also American, has a negative net worth thanks to graduating post-financial crash, trying to build a career … [Read more...]
10 Ways to Support Sex-Positive Kids
One of my key jobs as a parent is to raise kids who love themselves and their sexuality. My own childhood was filled with silences and horrible caveats about sex. My mother told me repeatedly that she would ‘snap my spine’ if I had sex outside of monogamous marriage. And that sex ‘was not all that it what was cracked up to be.’ (A lot of violent cracking … [Read more...]
I Was Taught to Be Proud of My Tight Asian “Kiki” – Here’s Why I Wish I Hadn’t Been
This article was originally published by EverydayFeminism.com and is republished with permission. (Content Note: eating disorders, rape, forced prostitution, minor attraction, violence against transgender women) I was in seventh grade when my friend Kat looked at my feet and said approvingly, “You know what my brother says. Small feet, small kiki [vagina].” Kat’s brother … [Read more...]
Simple But Not Easy: 25 Steps to Justice
Tired of asking, “What can I do?” or “How can I be helpful?” At times, you are asking how you can uplift marginalized voices. That is the most productive question; lead with that first. However, in most situations, the underlying request is “Tell me how to be a good person” or “Tell me how to not offend.” When people ask these questions, I typically begin a discussion — a … [Read more...]
Let’s F#ck It Up: 3 Things They Don’t Want You To Know About Taking A Revolutionary Selfie
“This is an experiment in not being afraid of seeing myself. Of not being afraid of seeing my body. And, more importantly for me, not being afraid of other people seeing these things. So, enjoy the photos. I'm not sure all of them will be flattering, but I hope to have more than 314 pictures by the end of this year.” These are the words that opened my first self-love photo … [Read more...]
My Desires Are Valid: Finding My (Erotic) Self After Trauma
In the middle of writing this article, “me too’s” have flooded my timeline, my marrow, my lungs. They’re everywhere. People's’ stories, memories, testaments of sexual assault and harassment echoing outwards and inwards, reaching, running, clawing, yelling, whispering…an ever expanding everywhere. The sadness and the anger burn so hot. I thought to myself – fuck the question … [Read more...]
4 Keys to Talking About Sexual Desire and Boundaries With Your Partner
I am the sort of person who will refuse to mention anything at all at restaurants when the wait staff or the kitchen makes a mistake with my order. I’ll demurely eat my food, lie when they ask if everything came out all right, and still tip at least 20 percent rather than inconvenience anybody with something silly like my dietary restrictions or personal desires. This is a … [Read more...]
Coming Into My Gender: 5 Reasons Identifying as a Demiguy Brings Me Both Fear & Freedom
I identify as demiguy, and I use they/them pronouns. What does that mean, you ask? Demigender is defined as the gender identity one holds when they identify with one aspect of the gender spectrum, but not completely. This identity is related to other nonbinary identities in that they both inherently reject the idea that gender is restricted simply to man and woman. Being … [Read more...]
At the Intersection of Asexuality and Queerness
Earlier this month, I was asked to be part of a panel of young queer folk who were visiting a luncheon for LGBT seniors. It was the beginning of a conversation between generations in which youth and elders got to share their stories and to work to understand and honor the differences among their experiences. Before the panel started, everyone was asked to share a brief bio … [Read more...]
7 Ways to Celebrate a Radical Valentine’s Day (Without Falling Into Heteronormative Scripts)
Well, readers, it’s an extra tough time to experience cuffing season and Valentine’s Day. With 45 and his administration continuing to fight against everything we stand for, it’s easy to get exhausted and demoralized (check out some tips for coping here, here, here, here, and here, for starters). If you’re dealing with mental illness, experiencing a heightened level … [Read more...]
Creating a Culture of Consent
[Trigger warning: This article discusses rape, sexual assault, physical assault, and torture.] Over the past several years, Coachella has been a source of spontaneous joy and confused sadness for me. On the one hand, it was the site of one of my favorite bands, Rage Against the Machine, reuniting as hard and political and amazing as ever. On the other hand, Holographic … [Read more...]
How Misogyny Shows Up in the Queer Community
Originally published on Everyday Feminism and republished here with their permission. How can we in the LGBTQIA+ community help fight misogyny? The sad but necessary truth is that we have to start from within. This comic shows how objectification, oppressive beauty standards, and other forms of misogyny show up in LGBTQIA+ communities. Learn why and how we must unlearn … [Read more...]
Why I Took Off My Hijab
This article first appeared in Magdalene.co, an Indonesia-based feminist web magazine, and is reposted with permission. An increasing number of women have approached me to talk about their hijab-wearing decision. One person told me she has been having thoughts about taking off her hijab because she felt she has grown increasingly "naughty" and “bad.” Her reason for this was … [Read more...]
