The dictionary defines loneliness as sadness because one has no friends or company, however, that definition doesn’t remotely articulate the black hole of pain and dread that we can experience when we are feeling lonely. Not to mention it is often something we feel when we are with friends, family and lovers. Research conducted in 2012 surprisingly shows that the loneliest … [Read more...]
How I Learned to Be Naked: Listening to My Body and Healing Body Shame
Content Note: This article references a parent's use of Weight Watchers for their child. I didn’t always hate and hide my body. I was athletic as a child. I swam competitively and played outside until the last drop of daylight. I trusted my body and knew it well. That changed when puberty hit in the fourth grade. I started to look more like a woman than a little kid, and a … [Read more...]
“Stop Looking at Your Phone”?: 5 Ways Internet Technology Helps My Queer, Neurodivergent Family
Watching my teens interact on the Internet sometimes feel like coming full circle. My own experience with Internet relationships started in the early nineties on a fetish board, complete with black screen and green print. During that time, I was on the tail-end of an emotionally abusive relationship coupled with a lot of confusion about my sexual identity. Socially awkward … [Read more...]
6 Situations Where Weight Loss May Not Make Sense – Even if You Think It Does
This post was originally published by EverydayFeminism under the title "6 Scenarios Where Intentionally Changing Your Weight Doesn't Make Sense -- Even If You Think It Does" and is republished here with permission. Content note: This article contains references to weight loss, dieting, and eating disorders. I met with a new specialist to talk about the osteoporosis I’ve … [Read more...]
6 Ways My Parents Unintentionally Taught Me Disordered Eating
This article was originally published on EverydayFeminism.com and is republished with permission. Content Note: This article contains discussion of eating disorders, including descriptions of restriction practices and family diets. There’s only one time in my life I ever remember seeing my dad cry. It wasn’t at his mother’s funeral or his father’s, though I knew he was sad … [Read more...]
Why I’m Wary of Being Friends With You When None of Your Friends Are Marginalized
One day I was grappling with shame and self-consciousness over my tendency to take stock of the kinds of people new people in my life surround themselves with. I was thinking about this in relation to bodies and, specifically, race and fatness. Until that moment I had internalized this behavior as unnecessary, judgmental, and even shallow. But I had a realization that allowed … [Read more...]
Hot Boi Summer?: Navigating the Pressure To Alter My Non-Binary Body
Writer's note: i write in lower case; it's my small rebellion. i’m mad. i’m mad that gender rules dictating what is “appropriate dress” for female and male bodies have me thinking about surgically altering my body. i love my body. i love how it’s feminine and masculine at the same time. i love the curve of my belly and the muscle line when i flex my triceps. i love how my … [Read more...]
Reclaiming My Eroticism After Sexual Assault
Content note: This article discusses sexual violence at length. After my rape, I thought of my body as a series of open wounds and wounded openings sutured together. I had to learn how to rewrite the poems, the stories, the words I wrapped around my flesh. After certain types of trauma, sometimes the only way we can see our bodies is as spaces for harm, spaces for … [Read more...]
7 Things I Teach My Kids About Consent, Sexual Harassment, and Assault
During a crowded bus journey, my daughter's shrill four-year-old voice piped up clearly and succinctly above the hum of the ongoing conversation: "I want to have sex with [insert classmate here]." A silence, not unlike the one pervading the moment before the conductor raises his baton, fell in anticipation of my reply. And on behalf of all the sex-positive parents, I swallowed … [Read more...]
Not Your “Geisha Doll”: Why We Need To Stop Skirting Around Racist Sexual Violence
Content note: This article discusses acts of sexual violence. The fact that sexual violence is often experienced alongside racism for many people of color is almost always glossed over in discussions about sexual assault and rape. When it's mentioned at all, it's mentioned quickly, and everyone nods their head in agreement. During these conversations, most white people … [Read more...]
7 Maneras de Hablar Acerca de Las Enfermedades de Transmisión sexual (sin ser un capullo)
Translated by Ana M. M. Cada vez que el tema de las enfermedades de transmisión sexual (STIs) sale a la luz, en secreto me emociono y me entra el pánico al mismo tiempo. Me emociono porque como persona con herpes, y específicamente como escritora con herpes, paso mucho tiempo considerando la complejidad de lo que significa vivir en un cuerpo compartido con un virus, … [Read more...]
“Normal” Bodies Don’t Exist: Celebrating Your Body in the Face of Fatphobia
I remember once when I was thirteen years old in the middle of PE class. A teacher came along and told us that we would soon be having swimming lessons over at a nearby private school’s swimming facilities. At first, I was excited. I like swimming, I had a swimming pool at home, and my standard swimming costume of a one-piece, a rash shirt, and board shorts was something I … [Read more...]
Rejecting the “Real Man” Myth: Why Men Should Embrace Their Femininity
Associating oneself with specific “masculine” or “feminine” traits is a big part of how most people define their gender identities. However, some of the biggest issues arise when it is deemed “inappropriate” for someone to exhibit traits of the “opposite” gender. Take, for example, men who exhibit a strong sense of emotional sensitivity. This trait is typically aligned with … [Read more...]
9 Ways To Be Accountable When You’ve Been Abusive
This article originally appeared in EverydayFeminism.com and is reprinted by permission. As I sit in my bed and begin to type (beds are my favorite typing places), there is a part of me that says, Don’t write this article. There is a part of me that still resonates deeply with the fear and shame that surround the topics of abuse and intimate partner violence – the taboo that … [Read more...]
