I was 11 when I learnt all about stretch marks. That they mean you are fat, and these marks will be there for everyone to know you are a fat person. My mum was looking at the marks on my arms, quite worried about some sort of strange rash I might have. At school I showed my "strange" marks to a friend. She calmly told me that they're just stretch marks, something you get if … [Read more...]
When Silence Is Shame: Stepping Into the Light of My Abortion
This article was first published at Feministing.com under the title "Silence Equals Shame: Stepping Into the Light of My Abortion." My father called me yesterday, after stumbling upon a Facebook ad that lead him to an interview I did for the 1 in 3 Campaign. In the interview I talked for the first time very publicly about my abortion, an abortion my father never knew I … [Read more...]
6 Ways To Talk About STIs (Without Being a Jerk)
Whenever the topic of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) comes up, I secretly get excited and panicked at the same time. I get excited because, as a person with herpes, and specifically as a writer with herpes, I spend a lot of time considering the complexities of what it means to live in a shared body with a virus, particularly one on which society has imposed a code of … [Read more...]
My Queer Sex-Positive Life: Unlearning the Gendered Sexual Shame That Kept Me Disempowered
This article was originally published by Jamila Reddy under its original title "Sex-Positivity Means Unlearning Shame" and is republished with permission. When I was five years old, my parents gave my sister and me a book called Where Did I Come From. Published in 1973, the book featured illustrations and explanations of how babies are made. On the front and back covers … [Read more...]
Wading Through Whiteness: Reclaiming My Identity as a Filipina Immigrant
My very first experience of shame (that I can remember) occurred in the third grade after my family had emigrated from the Philippines to Canada. We were asked what we had had for breakfast that morning, and I volunteered "Vegetable soup!" as an answer. In response, I heard a chorus of laughter and a "What kind of weirdo has soup for breakfast?" On the surface, this … [Read more...]
7 Ways Social Justice Language Can Become Abusive in Intimate Relationships
This article originally appeared in EverydayFeminism.com and is reprinted by permission. "It’s that bone gnawed moment when you realize ‘The Community’ will do nothing to stop him from showing up at your backdoor in the middle of the night with the rifle he bought for the revolution” —Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha, “so what the fuck does consciousness mean anyway” There … [Read more...]
4 Reasons To Medicate Your Anxiety (or Not)
CW: some profanity; mental illness-related fatalities The first time I went on antidepressants, I was sixteen years old. My school counsellor suspected that I was depressed, and a visit to my GP confirmed her suspicions. I stopped taking them when I finished high school, but after a couple of months it became obvious that antidepressants were still a necessary part of my … [Read more...]
Finding New Ways To Talk About My “Bad” Skin
I have "bad" skin. It’s not as bad as it used to be, but I still have holes, pits, scars, blackheads, pimples. It’s hard for me to even write those words, and for reasons I can’t fully understand I feel shame – or maybe embarrassment is a better word. As a fat activist for over two decades you would think that I could talk about my skin with the ease I talk about my fat. … [Read more...]
“Recognize the Shame You Feel Was Imposed On You:”4 Ways I’m Learning to Heal From Toxic Shame
Few of us can escape the constant messages we get trying to shame us because of our looks, our sexuality, our ideas, politics, behavior – whatever. There’s always something those who want to shame us can find. These messages, which start at a very early age, come from home, often from religious doctrine and teachers, from school, and from society at large. “Don’t touch yourself … [Read more...]
Every Time I Judge Myself I Reveal And Unhealed Part of Myself: 7 Things I Shamed Myself About (And Maybe You Do Too)
It didn’t take too many visits to my therapist to learn that my biggest psychological hurdles were my narrow-minded perspectives on who I was supposed to be, where I was supposed to be in life, and what the people in my life thought or expected of me. I was carrying the weight of a million “what-ifs” with me everyday, everywhere I went, and into every relationship. I constantly … [Read more...]
The Dangers of Body Shaming
The Body Is Not an Apology’s goal is to share the myriad ways human bodies unshackle the box of “beauty” and fling it wide open for all of us to access. Our goal is to redefine the unapologetic, radically amazing magnificence of EVERY BODY on this planet. When we do, we change the world! Join the movement and become a subscriber … [Read more...]
