Family dynamics can be tricky. We know, after all, that no family is perfect. Familial relationships can be some of the best support systems, but they can also be difficult and harmful if you're dealing with toxic family members. When you've committed to living a life of radical self-love, having strategies for how to respond to and even heal your toxic family relationships is … [Read more...]
How I Learned to Be Naked: Listening to My Body and Healing Body Shame
Content Note: This article references a parent's use of Weight Watchers for their child. I didn’t always hate and hide my body. I was athletic as a child. I swam competitively and played outside until the last drop of daylight. I trusted my body and knew it well. That changed when puberty hit in the fourth grade. I started to look more like a woman than a little kid, and a … [Read more...]
How To Talk About Body Image Issues When You’re Not Fat
It’s hard to grow up in the world that we live in and not have body image issues. No matter what you look like, you undoubtedly have been exposed to advertising or messaging that tells you there's something wrong with the way you look. From “detox” teas to “anti-aging” skincare products to shapewear, someone somewhere is constantly telling us that there is something we need to … [Read more...]
It’s Okay To Forgive, or Not: Grieving When You’re Estranged From Your Family
Not long ago, I sat with a sweet little old man who was dying. (This is a regular occurrence for me; I’m a rabbi who works in hospice.) The man’s one dying wish was simple: to speak to his teenage granddaughter on the phone in Australia before he died. His selfish daughter was too “bitter” about the past to allow this to happen, he said. His request seemed so reasonable, his … [Read more...]
6 Ways My Parents Unintentionally Taught Me Disordered Eating
This article was originally published on EverydayFeminism.com and is republished with permission. Content Note: This article contains discussion of eating disorders, including descriptions of restriction practices and family diets. There’s only one time in my life I ever remember seeing my dad cry. It wasn’t at his mother’s funeral or his father’s, though I knew he was sad … [Read more...]
Self Love Isn’t Easy: 10 Difficult Things I Do To Practice Radical Self Love
Self-love is crucial for surviving and thriving in an oppressive society hellbent on making us feel like we’re wrong or not enough. But precisely because of this society, cultivating self-love can be difficult. As someone who has struggled with depression and anxiety, I know how much energy it can take just to get through the day. When you’re stuck treading water, self-love can … [Read more...]
You’re Not Responsible: How To Unlearn the Guilt Inflicted By Parental Abuse
Content note: This article discusses sexual, physical, and emotional abuse at length. Victims of childhood abuse, rape survivors, and victims of domestic abuse are really good at one thing: feeling guilty. We can feel guilty about everything, particularly things that aren’t our responsibility. Survivors are taught to feel responsible for the actions of perpetrators and, as a … [Read more...]
Healing the Wounds of Growing Up in a Fat-Shaming Family
In the immortal words of Brianna in the classic film Bring It On: All or Nothing, "I've always had a big ass. It runs in my family. We're a big-assed family." My family never used to do “thin” well. My father hovered between “normal” and “more to love,” my mother had a substantially emphasised hourglass shape, and both of my younger brothers were noticeably chubby. As for me? … [Read more...]
Blood Is Thicker Than Water?: 9 Ways To Save Yourself From Your Parents
“Wait—your parents are still married?” The therapist stared at me, his mouth agape. “To each other?!” I nodded warily at this abrupt shift in the tone of our conversation. I was 24 years old and still new to the mechanics of therapy. Just moments before, this man—himself old enough to be my father—had been explaining how all families, loving or otherwise, could be a … [Read more...]
