Like many people, I’m mid-journey. Not only am I working my way past hazards and potholes in my holiday season, but I'm also in the process of making my way fully to unconditional, unapologetic love for myself. Like a lot of people, I find that the holidays compound the dangers and detours that I feel I need to be watchful of. Over the last few years, I’ve become … [Read more...]
Yes, Even My FUPA Deserves Love
I have a confession: I HAVE A FUPA! You might be asking yourself, What on this earth is a FUPA? The Urban Dictionary defines a FUPA as a Fat Upper Pubic Area, but I fondly call mine Creation. I’ve had mine since before the term FUPA even came into existence — and, for a long time, I hated my Creation. I hated it because I always had a hard time buying clothes that would … [Read more...]
An Act of Knowing: Moving Towards a Black Femme Politic
When I was a child. What age, I can’t remember. But when I was a child tends to suffice for stories like this. When I was a child, I would play dress-up with my little sister. I’m the oldest of four. Theoretically, I should have been playing with my older, decidedly more butch cousin. Unfortunately – or fortunately, depending on who you ask – I was always just a tad bit too … [Read more...]
Learning to Eat Despite Shame: Managing Masculinity at the Table
My work in the past has addressed how mainstream masculinity affects eating habits in men by making them eat so much they feel sick, or misuse protein powder and other supplements, or suppress their emotions and promote emotional eating habits. I have personally experienced various pressures from the push of mainstream masculinity in how to eat, and the effects continue to … [Read more...]
Getting Honest About My Disordered Eating
“Disordered eating.” I think of it as something that I’ve weathered, like a storm that has pummeled my life on more than one occasion, or a wound that I’ve attempted, with varying degrees of success, to stitch on my own. I’m not the right authority to tell you what exactly disordered eating means clinically, but I can tell you what it looks like. A high school locker … [Read more...]
Embrace Your Own Beauty Standards: Corseting and Radical Self Love
When I went to my first corset booth at a Steampunk convention, I was very embarrassed. I had only seen corsets in the media on very thin models, so I was sure that no one would make a corset big enough to fit me. The artistry of these handmade, steel-boned garments was amazing, though, and I had to inquire about them. At the booth were men and women, of all shapes, assisting … [Read more...]
10 Answers to Common Questions People Ask When Being Called Out for Using Ableist Language
The Body Is Not an Apology’s goal is to share the myriad ways human bodies unshackle the box of “beauty” and fling it wide open for all of us to access. Our goal is to redefine the unapologetic, radically amazing magnificence of EVERY BODY on this planet. When we do, we change the world! Join the movement and become a subscriber today! bit.ly/NoBodiesInvisible. *** This … [Read more...]
9 Common Mistakes Parents Make About Their Kid’s Weight
When I see someone teaching kids to hate their bodies, I’m mad. I’ve spent the bulk of my career as a therapist helping adults to let go of body shame, and I know that the roots of this dissatisfaction often starts during childhood. A recent study of 111 girls revealed that by age 5, 50% of these kids had internalized the thin ideal. Many of my clients have spent … [Read more...]
Undoing the Dozens: Fighting Back Against Body Shame
“The Dozens” is a game most Black folks probably remember playing when they were younger, though some of us may have referred to it by a different name. The rules are pretty simple and straightforward. Participants take turns insulting one another, usually surrounded by a crowd to egg them on, until one or the other gives up. Jokes can touch on, and usually do, how smart you … [Read more...]
“But They Were Nice…So Why Did I Hate Dance Class?” On Being Fat & Feeling Safe
Ever since I was in senior high school, I wanted to learn how to dance. I’d done a bit of dancing as a kid, but it was not until I was about eighteen that I got truly bitten by the dancing bug. And while many of the other things I was obsessed with back then have failed to keep my interest, my enthusiasm for dancing has never wavered. I think that, more than anything, … [Read more...]
When I Broke Up With My Diet
[Content Warning: Some swearing and weight-loss/diet talk.] Up until about four years ago, I was in a long-term relationship. It had lasted, on and off, for fifteen years, and whenever we were together, it was the most intense relationship I’ve ever had. But it was a bad relationship, based on false hopes and promises of a better life, while giving me nothing much but … [Read more...]
Wear What You Want: The Summer Edition
Where I’m from (Rochester, New York), it gets cold. And it snows. A lot. So naturally, on the first day it gets above 40, the locals get excited. We dust off our shorts and tank tops. We head to the mall and splurge on bikinis. When it gets warm, less clothes are worn. Makes logical sense, right? However, with summer comes the self-appointed body police – you know, the … [Read more...]
5 Ways People with Thin Privilege Can Fight Body Terrorism
Hey, fellow folks with thin privilege (you should know who you are): We need to talk. I’ve been seeing a lot of people equating skinny shaming and fat shaming—and I want to declare, on the record, that this is wrong and harmful. There is a huge difference between skinny shaming and fat shaming—and it’s a difference of scale and systemic power dynamics. Body shaming against … [Read more...]
Breaking My Childhood Body Shame: How I Learned to Love My Body Enough To Listen To It
“Your stomach looks like dough,” my brother told me. He was probably about six, which places me at about nine. We were out on the boat with family, like we often were in the summer. “My stomach,” he said, “is flat and tan, but yours is soft and white like dough.” And he laughed, meanly. I don’t hold this against my little brother. He was young, and he was parroting the kind … [Read more...]
