Radical self-care, like radical self-love, pushes against the boundaries of the ordinary. It is robust, proactive, and unconditional. It is genuinely radical – it gets to the root of our bodies, hearts, and minds.
Black Women Save America, But Who Rallies For Black Women?: Why It’s Radical To Reclaim Self Love In a Country Trying To Kill You
In the aftermath of the Alabama Senate election, Black women have had to remind folks that our primary objective is not in ‘saving the country from itself.” Saving ourselves from this country is also high on our list of priorities and has been so for a very long time. Superficial social media praise juxtaposed against the harsh realities that Black women have to face in this country re/produce a stark and disturbing contrast.
The fact is, it wasn’t any new cultural phenomenon that made it so easy for my abuser to hurt me (and, even now, makes it hard for me to be believed or helped when I tell my story) – it was good ol’ fashioned patriarchy.
But the socialization of men is such that even a good man – a supportive man, a respectful man, a trusted man – has within him the potential for violence and harm because these behaviors are normalized through patriarchy.
Remember: your trauma around these issues is real. It’s legitimate. It’s not something that you should have to disregard, or silence, or make smaller inside you because it’s seen as inconvenient or “too much” for someone else.
From my body hair, to the way my tummy tucks out of my pants, folks always seem to be genuinely surprised by the appearance of these traits, when honestly I am fat and hairy year round. I don’t hide it in the winter, and I don’t want to hide it in the summer.
This piece was first published in Danish magazine Friktion and is republished with permission. Dutch beer company Heineken has recently faced backlash for its “lighter is better” ad, where a bartender with light skinned Latino […]
I know now that it is by no means simple nor often is it by choice, because the members you choose to be in your family, come with their own families.
As a person who was assigned male at birth, my fatness produces my gender in a very specific way. I have a big, soft belly and what might be called breasts on a different body.
When White People are Silent in the Situations of Injustice, They Have Chosen the Side of the Oppressor
When that power is enshrined into the laws and systems of our countries to benefit some folk above others, the system is abusive and oppressive, whilst the folk who benefit are by default on the side of the oppressors unless they speak out. Inaction is action.
Whether it is because you are in pain, fighting with fatigue (as is often the case for me) or anything else that puts limits on your body, leaving you feeling less than joyful, I hope these can be of use to you.
I could see two paths laid out before me. The path of fleeing, of fear, of shame. The path of self-hatred. And the path of my truth. Unashamed and radical, offensive to the social systems that would see me and my kin erased. A choice to go through with my wedding.
I realized, I have never read an advice post for childhood sexual abuse survivors taking the trip to the (for me: dreaded) gyno. Here is what worked for me.
I don’t want you to hide even though I fear for your safety. It’s not you, son, who needs to change, it’s those out there who hate and fear difference… Someday you’ll attend those clubs and I want you to attend with joy. To dance in the face of oppression because dancing is one way to freedom.
However, we can’t forget that the first Pride was a riot and this holiday would not have happened without Marsha P. Johnson, a Black bisexual disabled trans sex worker. Even with the history being well known at this point, many communities’ Prides are incredibly whitewashed.