2020 has been a difficult, heartbreaking, and tumultuous year in so many ways. The toll COVID is taking on our communities, especially the most disenfranchised among us (disproportionately poor and working-class people of color), remains heartbreakingly gut-wrenching. Governments across the globe have violated the rights of their people repeatedly, from the ongoing police … [Read more...]
Sharing This Breath: What Sex Looks Like for Me as a Graydemisexual Ace
Hi! My name is Grace, and I am a graydemi ace. I'm what I've previously called an "IAMsexual" who has a lot of sex, just not likely the kind you're imagining. Re-imagining sex as acts that de-center the mainstream idea of sex feels important to understanding how I navigate my relational world. Let me provide you with a scene of what my "IAMsexual" world of sex looks like. We … [Read more...]
Rejecting Fetishization and Lack: Claiming the Fullness of My Black Demisexuality
By Grace B. Freedom My name is Grace and I am a gray demisexual ace. Rewind: gray doesn’t really suit me. It doesn’t feel vibrant enough. I can be a gray demisexual as it pertains to generic understandings of asexuality, but I want to formally declare that I want a new color. Perhaps I will be a gold-flecked cyan demisexual with rich metallic hints and deep blues … [Read more...]
Until Everyone Is Free: My Jewish, Anti-Zionist and Antiracist Journey Toward Collective Liberation
I grew up half Jewish and half Italian-Catholic. I made jokes about how these different identities left me mostly confused. Had Jesus risen again or not? I thought I had to choose one side rather than celebrating all the parts within myself, so I almost erased my Jewish half. I learned how to make risotto, but not matzah ball soup. Christianity is the dominant culture … [Read more...]
10 Ways Your Social Justice Work Might Be Inaccessible and Elitist — And Why That’s a Problem
The article was originally published on EverydayFeminism.com and is republished with permission. I’m an artist first. But I decided long ago that my art would be in the service of fighting oppression. Since then, I’ve waded more deeply into social justice spaces, and I find myself surrounded more and more by people professing these same aspirations. Being in these spaces has … [Read more...]
7 Cosas Ridículas que no hay que decir a gente Bisexual
A lo largo de los años he sido objeto de muchas observaciones bifóbicas. La bifobia no es solo una expresión específica de homofobia para las personas que son “parcialmente” gays. La bifobia viene de la comunidad queer y heterosexual, y en mi experiencia, es una expresión del pensamiento y/o binario que puede ser muy destructivo para nuestro mundo en muchas maneras. Las que … [Read more...]
How Do I Survive Deep Shame and Loneliness?
The dictionary defines loneliness as sadness because one has no friends or company, however, that definition doesn’t remotely articulate the black hole of pain and dread that we can experience when we are feeling lonely. Not to mention it is often something we feel when we are with friends, family and lovers. Research conducted in 2012 surprisingly shows that the loneliest … [Read more...]
4 Ways I Live Well With Chronic Anxiety and Depression
CW: health anxiety, menstruation Let me start off this article by taking you through a particular, very recent, day. I wake up with a start, fresh off a nightmare, where one of the many, many imagined scenarios that terrify me becomes a reality. I sit up, breathing shallow breaths, feeling the panic from my dream flow through me in a horrible, nauseating wave, and wonder if … [Read more...]
12 Signs Your Exhaustion Is Due to Emotional Labor — And How to Create Healthy Boundaries
Much has been written with regards to emotional labor in the past few years. Specifically, women have been writing about the emotional labor they must bear in the world in various ways, specifically, with cis men and their own families. As a trans-femme of color with light-skinned privilege, I have had my share of emotional labor. I do become exhausted with providing emotional … [Read more...]
10 Strategies for Surviving Christmas Season With Family
Note: I am writing this article from my perspective of the holiday season, which is very Christmas-centric. Having said that, I believe that at least some of these hints can be applied to other holiday celebrations. The holidays are promoted, to an almost obnoxious level, as being a time of great joy and merriment. Families come around, delicious food is eaten, presents are … [Read more...]
“But He Never Hit Me”: How I Realized My Partner Was Emotionally Abusive
Content Note: This article contains discussion of intimate partner violence and attempted suicide. This article was originally published on xoJane and cross-posted to Everyday Feminism. It appears with permission of Everyday Feminism. He spent over a year trying to convince me to be with him. We were friends for two years and became close. When one of his relationships ended … [Read more...]
Letting Go of the Fantasy: 7 Ways to Heal Toxic Family Relationships
Family dynamics can be tricky. We know, after all, that no family is perfect. Familial relationships can be some of the best support systems, but they can also be difficult and harmful if you're dealing with toxic family members. When you've committed to living a life of radical self-love, having strategies for how to respond to and even heal your toxic family relationships is … [Read more...]
How I Learned to Be Naked: Listening to My Body and Healing Body Shame
Content Note: This article references a parent's use of Weight Watchers for their child. I didn’t always hate and hide my body. I was athletic as a child. I swam competitively and played outside until the last drop of daylight. I trusted my body and knew it well. That changed when puberty hit in the fourth grade. I started to look more like a woman than a little kid, and a … [Read more...]
“Stop Looking at Your Phone”?: 5 Ways Internet Technology Helps My Queer, Neurodivergent Family
Watching my teens interact on the Internet sometimes feel like coming full circle. My own experience with Internet relationships started in the early nineties on a fetish board, complete with black screen and green print. During that time, I was on the tail-end of an emotionally abusive relationship coupled with a lot of confusion about my sexual identity. Socially awkward … [Read more...]
10 formas de revisar tus privilegios en relación con trabajadores de la comida rápida y otros servicios
Mi hermano es trabajador de la industria de servicios. Trabaja en un restaurante de comida rápida y hace todo tipo de tareas, desde recibir pedidos de clientes testarudos que piden cosas que no están en el menú hasta limpiar los enchastres que la gente deja en sus mesas al retirarse, limpiar baños y sacar la basura con un enjambre de moscas zumbándole en la cara. Todo por diez … [Read more...]
Help Isn’t a Favor: Creating Intimacy and Connection in Disability
I’m that girl, the one everybody goes to when there’s a crisis. I’m there, sorting it, finding out, lending a hand, raising money. That’s me. That was me. Then, one day, I was the crisis. And Then She Fell is the soft title of a memoir of recent events that I never plan to write. I keep making up titles for the not-book, though. It helps me try to make sense of senseless … [Read more...]
