First of all, I wouldn’t wish this experience on my worst enemy. It was certainly an accelerated growth period, but so is puberty and we all know that sucked. Second of all, I will relieve you of any anxiety and soften the pity-pathos-party by letting you know she did come back on her own. We are reunited and she is healthy and all is well. And before you tell me that this is … [Read more...]
Search Results for: seven things losing my cat
7 Things I Teach My Kids About Consent, Sexual Harassment, and Assault
During a crowded bus journey, my daughter's shrill four-year-old voice piped up clearly and succinctly above the hum of the ongoing conversation: "I want to have sex with [insert classmate here]." A silence, not unlike the one pervading the moment before the conductor raises his baton, fell in anticipation of my reply. And on behalf of all the sex-positive parents, I swallowed … [Read more...]
4 Lessons My Aging Body Has Taught Me About Radical Self-Love
One of my 92-year-old mother’s favorite sayings is something along the lines of, “Aging is no walk in the park.” In fact, it’s probably the watchword of all the residents in her independent living complex, where if you’re under 80 years old, you’re considered a real youngster. Compared to these folks, I’m still practically a teenager. Unfortunately, my own aging body hasn’t … [Read more...]
Lil Wayne, S.W.A.G and The Nothing: The Never Ending Story of Rape Culture and Racism
In February of 2013, Epic records released the song Karate Chop, a remix by rapper, Future featuring a verse from mega-star emcee Lil Wayne. In the song Wayne references slain Civil Rights era icon, Emmit Till. In the song verse Wayne raps about how he will, “beat that pussy like its Emmet Till." When I first heard the lyric recited over a vibrating baseline, I wanted to … [Read more...]
7 Tips for Taking Care of Yourself When Dealing With Difficult Times
In September 2008, I emigrated with my family from Australia to the United Kingdom. We had been planning on emigrating for several years, but, thanks to incorrect information we received from immigration advisors at the time, we did not to apply for my visa until I was over eighteen. As a result, I was ineligible for the type of visa that most accurately reflected my … [Read more...]
Are My Stretch Marks Worthy?: My Journey to Radical Self-Love
I was 11 when I learnt all about stretch marks. That they mean you are fat, and these marks will be there for everyone to know you are a fat person. My mum was looking at the marks on my arms, quite worried about some sort of strange rash I might have. At school I showed my "strange" marks to a friend. She calmly told me that they're just stretch marks, something you get if … [Read more...]
Leaving Christianity and Seeking the Goddess: How Reshaping Religion Transformed My Self-Love
When I was about seven, I remember going to a revival service with my grandmother. The preacher at one point launched into a sermon on women and makeup. He said, “Makeup isn’t bad, but remember, ladies: you paint the barn, not decorate it.” Those words haunted me throughout much of my life. Even now I can remember them and the way everyone laughed. But it underlined the … [Read more...]
Black Folks Deserve Rest and Relaxation: 10 Acts of Self-Care To Exorcise White Supremacy From Your Black Body
A friend of mine recently asked me to close my eyes and imagine what Black liberation looked/smelled/tasted/sounded like to me. I told her: It smells floral; because I want Black folks to have flower gardens. It tastes like home cook meals; because I want Black people to have the time to cook if that’s what they into. It sounds like babies laughing; because I want Black … [Read more...]
Carving Out My Own Masculinity as a Disabled Trans Man
When I was in the Job Corps and had to choose a trade to learn, I chose the one that most of the male students and the masculine-identified AFAB (assigned female at birth) ones did: construction. It was, to the sensibilities of a bunch of working-class 16-to-24-year-olds, the only trade offered that was macho enough. And I sucked at it. I was clumsy. Motor coordination and … [Read more...]
I Think My Hair Hates Me
My hair and I have an on-again, off-again, love-hate relationship. It’s a complicated work in progress. Because I choose to braid my hair (with extensions), and because I often leave the braids in a bit (a lot) longer than I should, it is not uncommon for me to spend hours (and I don’t mean just two or three) unbraiding my hair. Quite often the task will drag into the … [Read more...]
Why the Words Stick in My Throat: Talking about Aging
This article is the third in a three-part series on aging. Source: Wear Your Life Well [Image description: The graphic consists of a lilac background with four rows of cartoon-like pictures, four pictures to a row. A figure of a woman in white pants stands in front of one of the pictures, blocking it from view. Each picture has a word at the top. The pictures … [Read more...]
Why the Words Stick in My Throat: Talking about Aging
[The graphic consists of a lilac background with four rows of cartoon-like pictures, four pictures to a row. A figure of a woman in white pants stands in front of one of the pictures, blocking it from view. Each picture has a word at the top. The pictures read Beauty, Skinny, Sexy, Fit, Hot Mama, Smart, Fine, Charm, Spirit, Dazzle, !, Adorn, Lust, Cute, and Attract. The woman … [Read more...]
Black Girls Cut Too: Self-Harm and Intergenerational Trauma
Content note: detailed references to self-harm methods I started burning myself at 15. A friend and I burned ourselves in an attempt to engrave a symbol on our arms. After going to the local mall and buying a book on witchcraft, we decided we needed a symbol of our commitment to our new two-person coven. We drew up a draft of our symbol containing our initials (S & T) and … [Read more...]
Slow Down for a Moment: 10 Self-Care Acts That Take 5 Minutes or Less
What comes to mind when you think of self care? Do you picture luxurious bubble baths with champagne and a good book? Do you think of face masks? Of therapeutic yoga sessions? Of afternoons spent watching movies with friends, or running around with your kids in the park? Of glorious moments where your worries and responsibilities cease to be of importance? Or do you think … [Read more...]
5 Ways Outdoor Recreation Is Inaccessible to Marginalized Folks
This article first appeared on Everyday Feminism under the title "Outdoor Reaction Isn't Free -- Why We Need to Stop Pretending It Is" and is reprinted by permission. When I spent a summer as a river guide, I met three people who’d abandoned their homes to live on the Rio Grande. One lived out of a bus, another in a tent, and the last in his station wagon. They spent their … [Read more...]
Why Taking the Job Home Is Killing Us: Beyond the Binary of “Work” and “Home”
Three years ago, I got my first job out of graduate school as a therapist working with at-risk youth and their families. Because this was my first job out of grad school, I felt I had to give it my all. Not only that, I took a year off after school, during which I hit rock bottom in my own drug addiction. A year coming out of my drug addiction is when I got that job, and, … [Read more...]
Try a Little Tenderness: 3 Ways Being Tender Is a Political Act
Whenever I come into a new space, there’s always a sense of nervousness and anticipation. From the time I was small and up until now, I was painfully shy in new settings. I took time to come out of my shell and struggled to relate to other folks my age. Finding community that looked like me was even more challenging, which made finally finding it that much more meaningful. I … [Read more...]
Good Grief: Balancing Radical Self Love & Mourning
In wake of the police murders of Alton Sterling and Philando Castile,we are publishing this piece to remind you it is okay and necessary to grieve in whatever way that looks like for you. Black death by white officers takes a communal toll and we must allow ourselves to process and create safe space to do so. “I will not say, “Do not weep,” for not all tears are an evil.” ~ … [Read more...]
